


To the Point

by Anthropos_Metron



Category: Compilation of Final Fantasy VII, Dissidia: Final Fantasy, Final Fantasy IX, Final Fantasy VII (Video Game 1997)
Genre: Humour, M/M, Pre-Slash, Some things are best left to the imagination of the reader, Unrequited Horniness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-21
Updated: 2019-11-21
Packaged: 2021-02-18 12:08:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 630
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21510799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anthropos_Metron/pseuds/Anthropos_Metron
Summary: Kuja woos and courts in the language of poets and the great works of the stage, except when that doesn't work.
Relationships: Kuja (Final Fantasy IX)/Cloud Strife
Comments: 19
Kudos: 28





	To the Point

**Author's Note:**

> Standard disclaimers apply, these aren't my characters, I'm not making an IP claim, and this isn't being done for commercial purposes. I'm just playing around with the characters because I love the FF games and writing.

Kuja glides past Cloud, his long nails tracing along the muscles of Cloud’s arm as he passes. "Has anyone ever told you, dear Cloud, that you are the very measure of a man, a standard by which all others are set? Doubtless you are fit for any task. I am confident indeed that you would cause more than a ripple if you threw your rock into my stream."

"Don’t you ever just… say what you mean?" Cloud asks, sighing.

"I say what I mean, and mean what I say. Unlike a certain Stormcloud, if I may be so bold."

"I think I’m a pretty straightforward kind of guy."

Kuja laughs, partly sincerely, partly performative, in as much as anything Kuja does can be so sectioned off. "Ahaha. Yes, indeed, as straight as a bower that girdles a closet of mystery many times over. But will you consent to let me bend you a little, so that you may touch the light of the gods, that very divine quality that blossoms and grows when two men do love?"

"Hell no."

***

"Your constant shrugging at my purest of affections is fit for a tragic epic. ‘ _Love thus spurned the gods espied/and divine laughter shook the skies’_."

"Whatever."

"Yea, the very height of my love towers, touching the sun, that I do love you even for your dolt-like obliqueness,” Kuja perseveres, before beginning to rotate himself in the air, a joyous little turn, as light as a feather. "Though Cloud be your name, verily you shine with more magnitude in my heart than the brightest and most constant star of -"

Kuja completes his turn. Cloud has already disappeared.

"Men are _all_ bastards," Kuja exclaims.

***

"Oh Stormcloud, will you never give me the joy of reciprocating my ardor?"

Cloud looks sheepish, scratching the back of his head apologetically. "Well…. To be honest Kuja, I’m already kinda involved with someone else."

Kuja's face falls. "Someone else? Who is this person? I demand you tell me!"

"It’s… it’s.."

"Out with it!"

"It’s… Jecht."

Kuja’s face goes through a cycle of pain, rejection, astonishment, horror, and then realisation, when he notices a grin beginning to emerge on Cloud's face, and some muted hoarse chuckling.

Kuja finds it fitting to let his expression wilt into one of deep sadness. "You are without a heart! Without a heart, I say! This is the cruellest trick to ever be played on a man in love in the history of the entire universe!"

"C’mon Kuja. It was just a joke."

Kuja's hand reaches up to his forehead, and he begins to sob. "Oh, the pain, to be a delicate and tender soul, and scorned and mocked in a cruel and hateful world!"

Cloud's head bows a little. "I'm.. I'm sorry, Kuja. I didn't mean to make fun of you."

"A kiss would surely compensate," Kuja suddenly notes.

Cloud simply sighs.

"An embrace then? Surely no less?"

Cloud flexes his shoulders, and takes a quick look around, before sighing again. "Okay. Just a hug. No tricks, though," he cautions.

"Ah, but perish the thought!"

Kuja gently floats towards Cloud, and their bodies eventually meet. The very moment they do, Kuja's mouth darts up to Cloud's ear and, in a whisper, quickly dispenses a confidence, a very extended one it seems, as Cloud suddenly begins to pull away, but Kuja pulls him back with an unexpected degree of strength, until he has finished sharing his thoughts.

When they disengage, Cloud's face is flushed and crimson.

"My my, Cloud, I do declare you're trembling and twisting like the last leaf on the tree," Kuja notes with a grin.

"Seeyalater," Cloud blurts, before jogging away.

Kuja giggles as his hands play around his face, debating whether Cloud means what he says on that score.

**Author's Note:**

> This came to me while I was on a bus, so thank or blame public transport.
> 
> Only 630 words? Well, now I'm sad I didn't make this a drabble - but that's hard with Kuja in full flow.


End file.
